Some information was presented on Radio 4BC - Greg Cary’s Morning Show.
A few days ago a friend of ours aged 17 tragically took his own life. Let me tell you a little of his life’s story in some of the words of his mum and dad, as spoken at his Memorial Service last week, so we all can understand that bullying can have devastating outcomes....
... once starting school, I realized that my son was going to find school a particular challenge;
... we discovered that although his IQ was high, he had major dyslexia problems, making reading and spelling, sequencing his ideas and learning numbers very difficult;
... in primary school other students took advantage of his gentle spirit and bullied him;
... my son said little about this until after the events; such was his determination and sense of right and wrong;
... he loved doing outside things like mowing lawns, concreting, landscaping and generally working with his hands;
... he was delighted when he obtained a school-based apprenticeship in the Construction Industry; he loved learning to be a ‘tradie’;
... however as so often seems to happen in the construction industry, the life of an apprentice is not easy and for a gentle Christian apprentice, it was even harder;
...old bullying issues re-surfaced;
... and with his dyslexia, he struggled with how to explain these issues and how to respond to them;
... he was depressed and we cancelled the apprenticeship... but his failure to accomplish his goals caused much greater pain and disturbance than we could imagine
... he struggled with what he could do to replace it; “he could consider other trades but bullying would occur there too” he said; he seemed to need to know his future instantly; his stress and frustration had wound him uptight and he was not thinking clearly. The possibilities in this life seemed to be gone for him. He could only see that being with His Heavenly Father would help him. And so .... his last words to the people who came to help him were “don’t help me. I want to go to God. I’m not hurting” ...
His dad said the following:
.. my son was a young man of integrity and Godly character. He stood up for his faith; he didn’t flinch from it;
.. none of us knew that he was going to be with us for such a short time;
... Yes, there were circumstances that developed in his life during the past three or so weeks;
... Yes, as his father, I feel immense pain at my being so burdened with work I failed to see the signs of my precious son’s developing frustration, which very quickly turned into desperation;
... Yes, we did act to alleviate his distress as we knew it and had his apprenticeship cancelled last Thursday;
... However, we need to realize that my son did not take his life to hurt us or his friends, he would not have known of the distress and sadness his actions would cause. We need to see in his action of taking his life, his strength of character and integrity and faith in his Lord. In faith he took his life so as to be with his heavenly Father.
...The terrible reality is he just must not have been able to envision any other immediately viable / understandable future with his carefully chosen vocation appeared dashed.
... The mum went on to explain: that she was so thankful for Jesus whose sacrifice covers all sins and mistakes (of both children and parents) including the mistaken thinking of a young man in emotional pain who couldn’t see any possibilities for this life and who could only see the hope of being with Jesus in eternity, a guy who had always been strong minded when it came to dealing with pain. I am so thankful for Jesus covering the mistakes that I have made, the missed chances, the failures ... for all the “what-if’s” that come crashing into my mind.
Definition:
Bullying can be defined as aggressive behaviour that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength ...
Most of us know, have experienced or witnessed school-yard bullying and workplace bullying and today with technology the bullying has extended into our children’s homes ... and this amplifies and magnifies the pain as social blogs etc can spread the most horrific bullying messages to thousands with the press of a button.
I am recommending a book called “Cyber Bullying” – it is available now from the Fruition website Shop – and it devotes a chapter to ‘traditional bullying’. The book has comments from teenagers.
After decades of working with children, adolescents and families, I am convinced that issues surrounding ‘approval’ and ‘rejection’ for children and teenagers are hugely misunderstood and underestimated among adults, teachers and carers. Most people need to be loved unconditionally and parents, teachers, carers, coaches and employers, for example, need to think long and hard about separating performance from identity and issues of self-worth.
My book “You are not raising children you are raising adults” deals with very relevant issues including praise, consequences and giving your child and yourself a fresh start every day to reduce and minimise guilt and pent up feelings of inadequacy etc
I have listed some important information below relating to youth suicide with links for you to investigate the issue more fully. This thought provoking information includes information about:
Suicide Prevention
Description
Signs of suicide risk
Early recognition: what family and friends can do to help
Important Australian Facts
How and where to get help
Of course, you can always write to me at asksherrin.com.au and I will write to you personally.
Suicide Prevention:
Description
Suicide rarely happens without some warning, but it is often only when looking back that these signs become apparent. Learning how to recognise the signs and take them seriously can help to reduce the risk of suicide. Most young people who attempt suicide have mental health problems, especially depression. While all of us feel sad or unhappy at some time, when young people are depressed, they may feel hopeless or in despair. Young people who are depressed may feel like they are 'losers' and have little confidence. They may see themselves as powerless and unable to improve their situation. However, depression can be treated. Not all young people with depression are suicidal, and not all young people who attempt suicide are depressed. However, if young people are depressed, they should always be assessed for suicide risk. Young people with mental health problems may be more vulnerable to stresses such as:
- Feared or confirmed pregnancy;
- Trouble with school or the police;
- Family conflict or domestic violence;
- Using drugs or alcohol to help them cope;
- Failing to meet goals and expectations of others;
- Recent break up with girlfriend or boyfriend; and
- Being a victim of sexual or other abuse (now or in the past).
Misuse of alcohol or other drugs can increase the risk of self-harm, including suicide attempts or completion. Suicide may take one life, but it affects whole communities. It is a human tragedy, especially when it involves the lives of young people.
What are the signs of suicide risk?
Many factors are linked to youth suicide. Knowing about some of the warning signs may help people intervene sooner. These may include:
- Withdrawal from friends;
- Giving away personal possessions;
- Recent suicide of a friend or relative;
- Expressing feelings of hopelessness;
- Decline in school work and attendance;
- Death or suicide themes dominating written or creative work;
- Loss of an important person through death or separation;
- Expressing feelings of worthlessness, letting parents or other down or being a burden; and/or
- Statements showing suicidal ideas or thoughts about death such as "I wish I was dead", "No one cares if I live or die" and "Does it hurt to die?"
Early Recognition - What family and friends can do to help
Although it is common for young people to be defensive and resist help, most are relieved when someone expresses genuine concern. Support and constructive assistance can come from many sources. Assistance from professionals is much more effective if a network of support is also available from family and friends. It is important to take suicide threats seriously. Do not assume the situation will get better by itself. Young people can be helped. Sometimes a young person may tell you their suicide plans in confidence. However, their life is more important than keeping a secret. Getting professional help may save a life. Most young people are relieved to have someone intervene. Listed below are some strategies that can help:
- Allow the young person time to talk about their situation and feelings. If possible, arrange for a time and place free of interruptions;
- Convey a message of hope and support;
- Avoid offering too much advice;
- Do not trivialise the concerns of the young person. Their perspective may be very different;
- Be honest about your concerns and feelings and try to discuss them calmly;
- Be prepared to ask if they are thinking about hurting or killing themselves;
- Do not promise to keep secret any threat of suicide;
- Take any talk of self-harm or suicide seriously;
- Stay with the young person if you think there is an immediate risk of self harm or suicide;
- Suggest that the young person receives assistance as soon as possible;
- Be prepared to help them make and keep contact with professional assistance; and
- Presenting alternatives to suicide and affirming the worth of a young person can assist them to feel less alone and hopeless.
NB This fact sheet was updated in April 2009 by the Child and Youth Mental Health Service of the Royal Children's Hospital, Children's Health Service District, Brisbane, to raise awareness and provide information to families, young people and community members. This and others fact sheets in the series can be downloaded from:
www.health.qld.gov.au/rch/families/cymhs.asp Acknowledgements
This fact sheet was in part based on content fromThe Family Health Kit(NSW Health, 2002).
Disclaimer
Information in this fact sheet is intended as a guide only. Although every effort was made at the time of printing to ensure the accuracy of information, Queensland Health does not accept responsibility for changes in service details. Queensland Health accepts no responsibility for the way in which this Fact Sheet is used. In addition, quality of service provision is the responsibility of individual service providers.
Queensland Health: Queensland State Government Initiative
http://access.health.qld.gov.au/hid/ChildHealth/MentalHealth/suicidePrevention_is.asp
Some important statistics surrounding youth suicide in Australia:
- The rate of registered suicide in Australia among males aged 15 to 24 years trebled from 1960 to 1990 but has declined since then according to the most recent 2007 ABS data
- There has been no parallel recent rise in the rate of suicide among young females, however, the rate for females approximately doubled during the early 1960s
- Suicide rates for young Aboriginal males are estimated to be two to three times higher than for non-Aboriginal males; 86% of all aboriginal suicides are male
- Male suicides outnumber female suicides by a ratio of 4:1
- For every completed suicide there are over 30 attempts
- When countries for which suicide data are published by the World Health Organization are ranked according to rates for young males, Australia ranks in the highest third
Health Insite: An Australian Federal Government Initiative:
http://www.healthinsite.gov.au
How to get help:
If young people have persistent and immediate thoughts about hurting themselves or wanting to die, they need urgent help. See your family doctor, call an ambulance or go to the nearest hospital. Your local doctor can also help with a referral to another support agency.
Services
Websites
- www.beyondblue.org.au National, independent, not for profit organisation working to address issues associated with depression, anxiety and related substance disorders.
- www.copmi.net.auInformation and resources for children, young people, families and service providers assisting families affected by parental mental illness.
- www.counsellingonline.org.auCounselling via text interaction for information and support for those seeking help with their own drug use or use by a friend or family member.
- www.headspace.org.au Website for the National Youth Mental Health Foundation, which aims to support Australian young people with mental health and related problems.
- www.health.qld.gov.au/mentalhealthQueensland Mental Health Branch website developed for the community, service providers, non-government organisations, consumers, carers and families, providing information on mental health and related issues and initiatives.
- www.health.qld.gov.au/mhcarer Queensland Health website for information and support for those caring for someone with a mental illness.
- www.kidshelp.com.auKids Help Line online counselling available for young people.
- www.livingisforeveryoneAustralian government suicide prevention strategy website.
- www.opendoors.net.auUp-to-date information and resources for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people, including direct email links to workers.
- www.reachout.com.auInteractive forum for young people to access support and assistance.
- www.somazone.com.auInformation for young people about health and well-being issues.
- www.suicidepreventionstudies.orgProvides information and resources to help young people with suicidal and self-harm behaviours, and the people who care for them.
Sources of Data include:
- Australian Bureau of Statistics:www.abs.gov.au
- Australian Institute of Health and Welfare:www.aihw.gov.au
- Australian Institute of Criminology:www.aic.gov.au
- Australian Institute for Suicide Research and Prevention:
www.gu.edu.au/school/psy/aisrap
- Research Centre for Injury Studies:www.nisu.flinders.edu.au